INTRODUCTION
On the night of February 9th , 1990
I stabbed somebody
Earlier that day
I went to Chinatown
And exchanged
A broken switchblade
For a balisong (butterfly knife)
After drinking half of a bottle of Saki and 4 Miller Lites
A friend I was with robbed some people
The knife was never used during the robberies
But later that night
I got into a fight
With a friend of those that had been robbed
He swung at me and attacked me
And I warned him several times to stop
At first I punched him and kicked him in the head and chest
Each time yelling at him
“You come at me one more time
I’m gonna kill you punk!”
“You come at me one more time
I’m gonna kill you punk!”
The bar beside us emptied out
And a large crowd gathered around
Everyone yelling at me
In stereo
To fuck him up
“Fuck him up Joe!” Don’t let that Motherfucker stick you! Fuck him Joe!”
Because with a straight razor
He was the aggressor
(And they didn’t know the whole story)
So when he came at me again
Slashing, like a windmill
Wildly
I reached into my pocket
Pulled out the butterfly knife
And like a rabbit
Pumped it into his side a bunch of times
When I stepped back
His legs started vibrating and then buckled
His face turned white and he fell
Unconscious
Laying in a puddle of what looked like new brake fluid
Everybody scattered
I stood there for a second
And watched his girlfriend
Slide down the storefront window behind him
Later
When the police detectives took me
To the hospital for him to identify me
And I saw him
Laying there half naked
With black and pink puncture holes
And with white skin all around them
My knees collapsed
“Did I do that?”
The detective to my left said
“You’re pretty squeamish, for someone who goes around stabbing people.”
Since that night
I no longer carry a knife
I know that if I do
And if the circumstances are right
I will use it
Because if you have one
You can use one
If you don’t have one
You cannot use one
It’s that simple
I’ve changed a lot since then
And this book is my attempt
To come to terms with my past
And maybe even make some kind of peace with it
And in dong so
Make the struggle I still have with knives
Some 20 years later known
And share with you
The reasons why
I dream
With knives