On the night of February 9th , 1990

I stabbed somebody 

Earlier that day

I went to Chinatown

And exchanged

A broken switchblade

For a balisong (butterfly knife)

After drinking half of a bottle of Saki and 4 Miller Lites

A friend I was with robbed some people

The knife was never used during the robberies

But later that night

I got into a fight

With a friend of those that had been robbed

He swung at me and attacked me

And I warned him several times to stop

At first I punched him and kicked him in the head and chest

Each time yelling at him

“You come at me one more time

I’m gonna kill you punk!”

“You come at me one more time

I’m gonna kill you punk!”

The bar beside us emptied out

And a large crowd gathered around

Everyone yelling at me

In stereo

To fuck him up

“Fuck him up Joe!”  Don’t let that Motherfucker stick you!  Fuck him Joe!”

Because with a straight razor

He was the aggressor

(And they didn’t know the whole story)

So when he came at me again

Slashing, like a windmill


I reached into my pocket

Pulled out the butterfly knife

And like a rabbit

Pumped it into his side a bunch of times

When I stepped back

His legs started vibrating and then buckled

His face turned white and he fell


Laying in a puddle of what looked like new brake fluid

Everybody scattered

I stood there for a second

And watched his girlfriend

Slide down the storefront window behind him


When the police detectives took me

To the hospital for him to identify me

And I saw him

Laying there half naked

With black and pink puncture holes

And with white skin all around them

My knees collapsed


“Did I do that?”

The detective to my left said

“You’re pretty squeamish, for someone who goes around stabbing people.”


Since that night

I no longer carry a knife

I know that if I do

And if the circumstances are right

I will use it

Because if you have one

You can use one

If you don’t have one

You cannot use one

It’s that simple

I’ve changed a lot since then


And this book is my attempt

To come to terms with my past

And maybe even make some kind of peace with it

And in dong so

Make the struggle I still have with knives

Some 20 years later known

And share with you

The reasons why

I dream

With knives